Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
