They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
