ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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