So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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