An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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