I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
