Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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