I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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