ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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