after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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