Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
