Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
