Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
