don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
