The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
