Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
