Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
