We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We have so much sex to catch up on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
