i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog