Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
