i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE