He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.