You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
