god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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