I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
