I'm going to rape someone's good day.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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