just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
