she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
