I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
