Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
