The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
