a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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