Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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