i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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