do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize