it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
