Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
