So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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