Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
