Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize