You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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