Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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