Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
