Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
