I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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