She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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