redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
