Already got asked if we're dating
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Enjoy the penises
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
