I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
