I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
