In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
