dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to calm my uterus...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
