Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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