I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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