alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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