update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
