How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
