if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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