when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
