Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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