Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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