At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
