Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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