don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
