Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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