Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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