now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there's paper in my vomit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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