The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
