I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
